Today it was my turn to stay with my mom while my dad ran some errands. Many times through watching my parents negotiate through this "aging process" thing, I am struck by how similar our end-of-life behavior is to our beginning-of-life behavior. I am pretty sure most of us have observed this in one way or another.
My mom gets distracted easily, so getting her to eat in a timely fashion is a chore. She wants to do this; she wants to do that- anything but sit at the table and eat. If I have nowhere to go, or no place to be, it isn't an issue. If I am trying to get her out the door to a doctor appointment, it definitely is an issue. The same with raising my kids. I don't really care how long it takes them to eat breakfast if we are home for the day. If I have other things to do, then it matters a LOT to me when they finish. The difference? And here is the rub: my kids will eventually change their behavior. They will mature, and come to understand the necessity of time constraints, understand that their behavior affects other people, and usually will choose to cooperate, rather than continue on in a way that causes strife and discord. My mom? Not so much. She really doesn't understand that her behavior affects others. She used to. She used to be the one reminding me to finish my cereal and get my books ready for school. She used to be the one to pick me up for doctor appointments, Campfire Girls, PTA meetings, and play dates. Now? Not so much. My mom is happy to spend most of her day sitting on her swing in the backyard watching the birds and her garden, or sitting in her chair by the window watching the birds and her garden. She really doesn't care if she gets dressed for the day. She really doesn't care if she eats in 10 minutes or 1 hour. She really doesn't care that she already ate her piece of carrot cake before dinner, now needs to eat some "growing food" to stay healthy. She isn't going to change, mature and grow- that part of her life is over. So, it is up to me to figure out how to arrange our day so that she can take as much time as she needs, to just "be".
But I question myself- it is crazy for me to push, push, push her to eat, get dressed, and put on some lipstick? But then again, is it crazy for me to just "give up" on her? Maybe it is good for her to be called (more often than not) into the real world. But then I ask myself, why? What for? She is happy. She is safe. She is well-taken care of. She loves watching the garden. She loves watching the birds and the crazy squirrels in our yard. That might be enough. That might be okay. But mostly, like raising my kids, I am just floundering along, making stuff up as I go.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
I Swing Both Ways :P
Tolerance- What Does It Really Mean?
In reading a few of my favorite blogs this week, the talk has turned to a recent murder of an innocent doctor shot down in front of his wife, his family and his church. His crime? He worked at an abortion clinic. One blog in particular has been particularly harsh on Christians, specifically Christian conservatives. My thoughts on this are as follows:
Not all conservatives are Christians. Not all Christians are conservatives. Not all Christians are anti-abortion. Not all Christians, conservatives, or anti-abortionists are murderers. Not all Muslims are terrorists. Yet people of both religions have done terrible things in the name of their faith. And hey- what about the people who proclaim no faith at all, yet drive by and shoot someone over a gang-related issue? Where do they fall in this line of thinking?
Bottom line: taking the life of another human being is murder, and our society says that murder is a crime. Upon this, we all agree. Murder- it’s not a “conservative” issue, and it’s not a “Christian issue” either, because I am pretty sure our jails are not filled with only Christian conservatives.
It’s tragic that the doctor was shot to death in front of his wife and church, for no reason other than some wacked-out person, claiming to represent a certain segment of our society, thought he should be punished for practicing his occupation. If we define tolerance as an attitude which is respectful of practices or group memberships that may be disapproved of by other groups, then this is in my opinion, intolerance at it's purest form.
However, pointing fingers and condemning an entire group of people for the terrible things one person does- even if that person claims to represent an entire group of people-- is unfair, and to use the “I” word- intolerant. Tolerance swings both ways- condemn the act, condemn the person, but to condemn a whole group in society is irresponsible, inflammatory and undermines the whole process of tolerance. Taking the life of another human being is wrong, and unacceptable, and it must stop. On that we can agree. It is my opinion that tolerance, true tolerance- begins at the very point upon where we can agree.
In reading a few of my favorite blogs this week, the talk has turned to a recent murder of an innocent doctor shot down in front of his wife, his family and his church. His crime? He worked at an abortion clinic. One blog in particular has been particularly harsh on Christians, specifically Christian conservatives. My thoughts on this are as follows:
Not all conservatives are Christians. Not all Christians are conservatives. Not all Christians are anti-abortion. Not all Christians, conservatives, or anti-abortionists are murderers. Not all Muslims are terrorists. Yet people of both religions have done terrible things in the name of their faith. And hey- what about the people who proclaim no faith at all, yet drive by and shoot someone over a gang-related issue? Where do they fall in this line of thinking?
Bottom line: taking the life of another human being is murder, and our society says that murder is a crime. Upon this, we all agree. Murder- it’s not a “conservative” issue, and it’s not a “Christian issue” either, because I am pretty sure our jails are not filled with only Christian conservatives.
It’s tragic that the doctor was shot to death in front of his wife and church, for no reason other than some wacked-out person, claiming to represent a certain segment of our society, thought he should be punished for practicing his occupation. If we define tolerance as an attitude which is respectful of practices or group memberships that may be disapproved of by other groups, then this is in my opinion, intolerance at it's purest form.
However, pointing fingers and condemning an entire group of people for the terrible things one person does- even if that person claims to represent an entire group of people-- is unfair, and to use the “I” word- intolerant. Tolerance swings both ways- condemn the act, condemn the person, but to condemn a whole group in society is irresponsible, inflammatory and undermines the whole process of tolerance. Taking the life of another human being is wrong, and unacceptable, and it must stop. On that we can agree. It is my opinion that tolerance, true tolerance- begins at the very point upon where we can agree.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Inauguration Socks
When I knit, it seems to me as if my yarn holds my thoughts and feelings for me, so that the next time I pick up that particular piece of knitting, I remember what was going on around me, or what I was thinking as I was knitting. So today while watching the Inauguration, I worked on my socks. My red socks.
A dear friend (MaryAnn) once told me that whenever she felt down, or sad, or lonely or afraid, she would put on a nice pair of zesty red socks, and they would always make her feel better. She said that they brought her comfort somehow. She has since lost her battle with ovarian cancer, but in memory of MaryAnn I have a pair of hand-knit red socks, and frankly, they are getting a lot of use these days. Between ScatDaddy's unemployment, my mom's health issues and the economy, it seems like I need all the comfort I can get most days. Too bad the weather has been so darn warm the past few weeks. Yikes! So, I have cast on another pair of red socks, in a wee bit lighter weight yarn. And I worked on them today, while watching our new president speak of hope, and hard work, and a better future for our children. So, the next time I work on them, I can think about hope, and hard work, and a better future for our children.
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