Watching my dad take care of my mom during this season of her life, and their life together, has been an amazing learning experience. My dad loves my mom beyond measure- that is clear. He spends every day of his life taking care of her, with the knowledge that in the end, she will die, and he will be alone. When I am taking care of my kids, I do so with the knowledge that they will grow to take care of themselves. My role as caretaker will diminish with time. My dad's role of caretaker will increase, and then end. As much as I love my mother, my life is filled with other commitments, other loves, other lives. When my mom passes, mine will go on, his will stop. His purpose for getting up every morning will stop. What will he do? I don't know.
This business of marriage- for better or worse, in sickness and in health- this is what it looks like at the real life level. My dad does the complete care for my mom- he bathes her, dresses her, feeds her, changes her diapers, catheters her, reads to her, takes her for walks, makes the rose garden beautiful for her- she is completely dependent upon him for her care. Possibly at some level she knows this and is appreciative, but I haven't ever experienced her understanding what my dad is doing for her. He works without a reward in sight, without a prize at the end. My mom isn't going to get better, and we all know this. She could die tonight, tomorrow, 3 years from now. He doesn't know when she will die, but rather, that she will die. And yet, he continues on, doing a wonderful and loving job of taking care of her. It comes at great cost to him- and as of yet, he hasn't even paid the highest price yet, but he will. That time will come sooner rather than later.
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