Today I took care of my mom for my dad while he was out in the garage doing some man-stuff-repairs-using-power-tools with Reg. We had a nice time, my mom and I. We sat outside in the sunshine. I was able to get some spinning done, and she dozed and watched me off and on.
I feel like I am finally at a place of peace with the prognosis of my mom. Dementia is crummy and no fun, but there are moments of clarity for her, and those moments are what gets me through. I feel like I am finally in a place of balance- between taking care of my parents and taking care of my girls and taking care of my husband and taking care of me. Precarious balance, but balance nonetheless. And I am okay with that.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Mother's Day 2011
Mother's Day was super nice- very relaxing and low drama. For my family, low drama is a rarity. Mom seemed to enjoy herself for the first half of the get-together, but then quickly got overwhelmed. I helped her with her presents and the cards, then I sent the girls upstairs and we quickly cleaned up and then left. Sigh. Some days are more difficult than others to bear the pain of dementia.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Tired Of Being Sad
Yesterday I realized that I am tired of being sad. I wonder when this sadness will pass? I am not depressed - just sad.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Home From The Hospital
Yet another trip to the hospital for my mom. Apparently the shunt had stopped working. The dr. adjusted it, and she seems to be doing better. It is so frustrating sometimes- there just doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason to it.
This time, I did things different though. I didn't drop everything to rush in and take over. I actually thought through my responses. I know- right? Growth. What is up with that?
This time, I did things different though. I didn't drop everything to rush in and take over. I actually thought through my responses. I know- right? Growth. What is up with that?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Hard To Get Used To
We cleaned out our freezer today. Wow- we can save a lot of money this week by just eating from our freezer. I did the pantry last week. Woot!!! While moving the freezer out of the garage, we came across some Halloween decorations that belong to my mom. My dad asked me if I wanted them, and I did. My mom no longer cares about decorating or even remembers that she used to really like decorating. But I tell you, it feels weird using something that is my moms, but she doesn't remember it belongs to her. I am not sure what my sisters will say- will it bother them? I am trying to check my feelings to see if it would bother me if they were displaying something that is my mom's. I can't tell. It's such a weird feeling to get used to.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Expectations Gone Awry
I am old enough to know better, but still get caught in the trap of expecting other people to react to something the way I would, and being surprised when they don't! What is up with that? Could all of life's problems be solved if I could just remember that? Hmmmmm....
About Love
Watching my dad take care of my mom during this season of her life, and their life together, has been an amazing learning experience. My dad loves my mom beyond measure- that is clear. He spends every day of his life taking care of her, with the knowledge that in the end, she will die, and he will be alone. When I am taking care of my kids, I do so with the knowledge that they will grow to take care of themselves. My role as caretaker will diminish with time. My dad's role of caretaker will increase, and then end. As much as I love my mother, my life is filled with other commitments, other loves, other lives. When my mom passes, mine will go on, his will stop. His purpose for getting up every morning will stop. What will he do? I don't know.
This business of marriage- for better or worse, in sickness and in health- this is what it looks like at the real life level. My dad does the complete care for my mom- he bathes her, dresses her, feeds her, changes her diapers, catheters her, reads to her, takes her for walks, makes the rose garden beautiful for her- she is completely dependent upon him for her care. Possibly at some level she knows this and is appreciative, but I haven't ever experienced her understanding what my dad is doing for her. He works without a reward in sight, without a prize at the end. My mom isn't going to get better, and we all know this. She could die tonight, tomorrow, 3 years from now. He doesn't know when she will die, but rather, that she will die. And yet, he continues on, doing a wonderful and loving job of taking care of her. It comes at great cost to him- and as of yet, he hasn't even paid the highest price yet, but he will. That time will come sooner rather than later.
This business of marriage- for better or worse, in sickness and in health- this is what it looks like at the real life level. My dad does the complete care for my mom- he bathes her, dresses her, feeds her, changes her diapers, catheters her, reads to her, takes her for walks, makes the rose garden beautiful for her- she is completely dependent upon him for her care. Possibly at some level she knows this and is appreciative, but I haven't ever experienced her understanding what my dad is doing for her. He works without a reward in sight, without a prize at the end. My mom isn't going to get better, and we all know this. She could die tonight, tomorrow, 3 years from now. He doesn't know when she will die, but rather, that she will die. And yet, he continues on, doing a wonderful and loving job of taking care of her. It comes at great cost to him- and as of yet, he hasn't even paid the highest price yet, but he will. That time will come sooner rather than later.
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