My swim workout today was pretty discouraging. I am sure that there was some sort of rip tide going on in the middle of the pool, and that someone had added jello to the water as well. For whatever reason, I could NOT get out of my own way this morning. Very discouraging. And of course, I went right to the ugly place of, "I can't do this. I should quit. I am stupid for even thinking that I could even do this. Why try? I can't, I can't, I can't." I. really. wanted. to. quit. just. quit. quit. quit. But then, I thought about how I would feel if I got out of the pool. I realized that I wouldn't feel better, I would feel like a quitter. And I hate feeling like a quitter. Hate it.
In my recovery, something I have learned is that taking the easy way out, only postpones and intensifies my pain. It's a lie for me to think that if I drink, use, or eat, I will feel better. I never do. I have a MOMENT of relief while I am drinking, or using, or eating, but as soon as that moment passes, the pain is there and it's stronger and lasts longer because I then have pain AND regret. Such fun (not!)
So, I decided to just keep doing one set at a time, and then see if I could do one more. I had 8 sets to do, and before I knew it, I was on the 6th set, then the 7th, and then the 8th! After the 8th set, I wanted to just quit and get out of the pool, but somehow I was able to keep going for the last 10 minutes for my cool down. It wasn't pretty, but I got it done. Still kinda discouraged, but I'll just keep my head down and keep working.
Tomorrow: a long bike ride! Woot!
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